I only remember an anecdote: he played cricket in the morning, then emailed me that afternoon to say that every time he hit the ball, he imagined it was my head. What would a word like “guilt” add to this story, even if I had a right to use it? Anecdotes and terms are bland; they do not describe the real moment, what was felt. What I really felt was pride at my accomplishment; yet “pride” is another useless word. It means too much, captures none of what obsessed me as I ignored the History lesson, waiting for the weekend.